How To Use Anger To Your Benefit

Out of all the emotions I have experienced, anger feels like the worst. I hate feeling angry at someone + I hate feeling mad at myself. Whether my anger seems justified or if it doesn’t make sense at all, I struggle with that emotion.

That being said, I know that as human beings we have a range of emotions and we can’t just skip over those not so nice feelings. They are real and I believe they serve a purpose.

For me, frustration goes hand in hand with anger. They are a great team – a perfect peanut butter + jelly sandwich. The more frustrated we get around a situation – the more our anger level rises.

I can remember being somewhat of an angry teenager. It always felt easier to show anger than it was to explain my feelings and allow my family to hear them out. So instead of just saying, “this hurts my feelings or this upsets me,” I would just be mean to them (of course ex-boyfriends were also included)! Often times they had no idea why and thought I was just always pissed.

Funny how important communication is and how rarely we do it! It’s like we’d rather play the waiting game and have someone else guess what’s wrong then simply get clear on it ourselves and state it aloud to them. Doesn’t that sound more empowering?

Here’s a portion of the definition of frustration from Merriam-Webster:

“a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs”

Interestingly insecurity, dissatisfaction and unresolved problems are part of this definition.

I don’t think we need to beat ourselves up for experiencing this emotion and I know that many of you have had extremely difficult + unfair life experiences that don’t make this easy. However, I want us to be able to learn about ourselves from our emotions.

  • Let’s notice how we behave and treat others.
  • Let’s understand why we feel a certain way.
  • Let’s take 100% responsibility for ourselves instead of blaming.
  • Let’s decide to make healthier choices + learn different options.

Here’s how you can use these uncomfortable emotions to your benefit:

  1. Realize our emotions are our teachers – what is your current emotion teaching you? What is it asking you to do? Perhaps it’s telling you to have a difficult conversation with a loved one + sharing your true feelings or it could be asking you to forgive and accept some of the past? Maybe, it wants you to just take a break from running around and rest?
  2. Ask yourself this important question, “If I am 100% responsible for my own life experience what do I want to do with this?” The reason I am bringing this up is because anger wears the mask of blame. When we blame others + life in general we give away our power. We create a great reason to stay stuck in victim mode – that reason being, it’s not my fault it’s them or whatever. This will help with letting go + empower you.
  3. Practice self-love – anger is really just showing you how hurt you feel deep down. It might look prettier if you sat down and cried or went into bed to sleep but anger comes from the same places of fear, insecurity + pain that depression and sadness come from – which means that it requires love and healing.
  4. Forgiveness– what or who needs to be forgiven? I always like to begin with myself – can you forgive yourself and accept yourself for all of these emotions + experiences? Sit down with yourself and say, “I forgive you and accept you just as you are.” From there you can move on to the person or situation. Remember forgiveness isn’t about letting others off the hook, it doesn’t mean that those unfair or bad things didn’t happen; it means that despite that you chose peace for yourself and you chose to move forward.

I’d love to learn more about your realizations around tough emotions. Comment below or simply hit reply + share.

Love + Light,

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What’s To Come: Exciting Early Announcement –  This year’s Holiday Experience (a 7-day Guide to Starting the Holiday’s with Purpose) begins Nov. 14th! Keep a lookout for my upcoming email on to sign up and get all the awesome details!

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November 1 – Registration Opens

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2 Comments on How To Use Anger To Your Benefit

  1. Diane
    October 6, 2016 at 11:43 am (1 year ago)

    Hi just to say many thanks for your posts they always resonate deeply with me .I have also found anger the most challenging emotion,forgiveness is key.?

      July 11, 2017 at 9:52 am (7 months ago)

      Thank you Diane – your words and connection mean a lot to me. Sending you a big hug!


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