Friending Your Fear

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“Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones.”
–Thich Nhat Hanh

The big “F” word grips it’s invisible fingers around our every action and quality of life. If you fear what may happen or are scared to try something new, congratulations, you are human. I know – you never wanted to accept that! : )

On days that I am feeling on top of the world, it seems like nothing can stop me. My confidence radiates and all feels safe. Then there are other days when I am deeply scared of taking action, of making a mistake, of embarrassing myself, and of failing. These days keep me stuck, lonely and frustrated.

On the one hand, I feel safe because I am not facing my fears and on the other hand, I feel ashamed because I know I am capable of living the life of my dreams but I am not.

Can you relate?

Each of us experiences fear, it is a part of this life. Yep, it is not that you are insecure, negative, lazy, not as lucky, not as smart as those other people… or anything else you might be thinking. To feel fear is to feel human. Often stress is a mixed result of not actually facing our fears, not understanding them and believing “stories” we make up in our heads.  So, if we all experience fear in different areas of our lives than why do some people make progress and others stay stuck?

HERE IS THE BIG SECRET

Living fearlessly doesn’t mean living without fear, it means learning to live WITH fear and still going for after your dreams! In other words, getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable.

People that continuously take action or live the lives of their dreams are not fearless. This simply have a higher tolerance for fear. They have learned to FRIEND THEIR FEARS.

Here are a few ways to make peace with fear:

  1. Accepting Fear

The feelings and experiences of fear that you encounter are here to guide you. They happen NOT because something is wrong with you but because you are having a human journey. In fact, our fears are often leading us in the direction of our dreams. What are you scared of and why? What is this fear teaching you?

  1. Deepen Your Relationship

Our relationship to fear is what matters. If fear is something we are always avoiding, ignoring or pushing away, there is no room to connect with it. Try creating a new relationship with fear. Talk to your fear, act as if it is an old friend that you love deeply but that also drives you crazy. If there can be some love in your new relationship to fear, you will grow by leaps and bounds.  

  1. Learn a New Response

There is a difference between reacting and responding to fear. Response happens with awareness while reaction is an immediate emotional reply. Because we are emotional beings and fear is a part of our experience we tend to react. At times this is unavoidable, however, you can take a step back and learn to respond in new ways. For instance, with love and compassion for yourself and the situation. With a deep breath and short walk around the block.

  1. Shift Gears + Use The Energy

Everything is energy. You are energy. Your emotions and responses are all energy. For example, feeling excited is the same energy as feeling scared but the difference is your judgment and perspective of the feeling. If you are flying to Costa Rica on a surf trip you will be excited AND nervous but your focus is on a positive adventure. Now if you are giving a speech at work you will be nervous AND excited as well, however, your focus may stick to the fear of public speaking. Choose to focus on the exciting part of the fear and then utilize that surging energy by dancing or jogging or jumping up + down.

The great part is that once you are aware of these facts you can transform your experience of fear. We all experience fear in different areas and for different reasons. Begin to make friends with your fear.

Talk to it and listen but don’t let it have the last word!

REMEMBER:  Living fearlessly doesn’t mean living without fear, it means learning to live WITH fear and still going for your dreams!

Love and Light,

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The 4 Causes of Stress

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash

What is stress anyway…? According to The Integrative Women’s Health Institute where I studied hormonal health. “…stress is defined as a state in which homeostasis is actually threatened or perceived to be so; homeostasis is reestablished by a complex repertoire of behavioral and physiological adaptive responses of the organism.”

Being stressed means your body is ramped up because it believes it needs to protect and defend itself.

This is an incredible system of survival if you are being chased by a lion, however, if your stress is chronic resulting from daily emails, emotional fears, etc. this system can create even more imbalance and stress.

Recently my doctor shared “your body is a symphony, each piece plays a role and each role impacts the outcome of the whole.”

Meaning, stress doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It is impacted and multiplied by various causes.

For most of my life, my focus on healing and transforming stress was around mindset. I knew that so much had to do with the constant state of fear I put myself in and felt in my body.  This is an incredibly important part of changing your life experience. However, shining a light on any challenge means to see all parts. By educating yourself, you are empowering yourself!

There are 4 main causes of stress that are constantly at play:

  1. Perceived Stress –The perception that you are not safe. This is a BIG one and I will be sharing more in the future.

The cause could be many things. For instance, facing new and unpredictable changes, feeling a lack of control and believing that harm may arise. If you have ever moved to a new home, welcomed a baby, made a big life transition, watched the news, prepared for an important business meeting, etc. Your mind started to tell your body that things are not safe.

What is really happening is that you are excited and nervous about the future and begin feeling uncomfortable and unsafe because you are not in total control. Your mind and heart are deeply connected. There are constant internal messages being sent throughout your body at all times.

  1. Circadian Disruption – The imbalance of light and dark exposure to the brain.

Over expose to blue light and other fluorescent lights leads to imbalance. That is, light from tv, cell phones, ipads, etc. Our brain begins to perceive perpetual day light. In other words, the brain is confused and doesn’t realize it is light from a device and not from nature. This is why, it is a great idea to get out doors without sunglasses for at least 30 mins a day and turn off your devices by 9pm. You can reset the natural rhythm of day and night.

Another cause is shift work. If you are a nurse or a flight attendant your day time and night time hours are upside down. You are changing the natural system and cycle of your body and day.

  1. Inflammatory Signaling – Inflammation leads to stress and stress leads to more inflammation. Inflammation is the result of a revved up immune system.

Most diseases are a result of some form of inflammation. For example, arthritis is inflammation of the joints. Heart disease is inflammation of the arteries. Why is your immune system working so hard? The body is trying to fight off or rid itself infection which is a good thing if it is rare. However, if you are chronically inflamed due to an array of reasons, including poor diet, stress, minor food allergies, an inactive lifestyle, your body can’t handle the imbalance.

  1. Glycemic Dysregulation – The blood sugar roller coaster.

Glucose is the term for sugar in blood. Glucose is regulated by the hormone insulin. After we eat, glucose levels rise and insulin comes in to normalize blood sugar levels. When blood sugar levels rise rapidly (a lot of sugar), the body responds by releasing too much insulin which leads to low blood sugar and feelings of exhaustion, moodiness and hunger. This sugar roller coaster ride is a main cause of stress.

I know that is a lot to take in. Remember that you don’t need to feel stressed by any of this. You are simply educating yourself and can make choices as usual. My first tip is to notice what’s happening in your mind and in your body when you become anxious or overwhelmed. That simple, just become aware.

We are not separate from our bodies. Everything is connected and working together to support your highest potential and happiness.

Please share your comments below and feel free to ask questions or connect with me!

Love and Light,

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The Opportunity in the Obstacle

I know, its been a while! First of all – Hi there beautiful soul!

Though I had originally planned to take off 4 months after my daughter Aria was born, I decided to take some additional time to heal, take good care of myself and just be a present mama. As we all know by now, life doesn’t always go according to our perfect plan!

Some of you know that my post-partum experience included a few challenging surprises. I needed to have an emergency D &C surgery about 8 weeks after Aria was born. This led to extra healing both physically, mentally and emotionally. Honestly, it was one of the most traumatic and overwhelming experiences of my life.

During those first few weeks of confusion, overwhelm and “why me” mentality, I received the most beautiful reminder. I was reading Gabby Bernstein’s, The Universe Has Your Back (which is on a special sale right now for $.99) and came across a prayer she uses. It was a guiding light for me and I’d love to share it.

“Thank You Universe for helping me see this obstacle as an opportunity, I will step back and let you lead the way.”

As I found myself struggling to surrender to the fact that things didn’t go according to plan and accept that new challenges lay ahead. I realized that on a deeper level, everything happens for a reason- for my own spiritual growth and expansion.

Don’t get me wrong, it sucked, like a MF ; ) I was in pain physically and emotionally which led to some very dark nights. In those moments (we have all had them) there was a sense of disconnection, frustration and deep sadness.

We can’t feel it at the time, but there is also an awakening that comes through feeling your feelings so fully. I didn’t have the usual energy to make sense of everything and so I allowed myself to feel it all without analyzing it and without repressing it or numbing myself. If you trust that you are safe enough to feel it or receive the support needed to something magical happens.

I knew there was nothing I could do but SURRENDER and lean into my belief that though it was painful, it was also an OPPORTUNITY to grow and learn more about myself. It was in shifting my perspective that things began to change. That doesn’t mean it disappeared overnight nor did I get the clear answers I wanted right away. But once I decided to see it as good rather than bad, guidance came my way.

Spiritually, I realized that my own strength, divine connection and worth on a deeper scale. In a sense, I feel that I am more myself now than I have ever been.

My levels of self-care and self-love deepened and I could truly connect with what my intuition was telling me. These terms mean a lot more than taking time to rest or having a candle lit bath.

They showed up as truly putting myself first by honoring where I was at and finding the beat of my own drum. In other words, I cut out a lot of the bullshit that used to keep me stuck. In the past I might have choose the safety of old habits and fears.

They were what I had always known but I knew I was ok, I was safe to feel the fears. As a result, I received peace and discovered a truer path for myself.

Without my faith that everything was happening for a reason and that each challenge is an opportunity for growth I wouldn’t have made it through to this empowered and positive place. I know now, that these challenges were the best thing that ever happened to me because it led to growth and has allowed me to remember who I really am.

I believe many of you can relate to this. No matter where you are at right now and what challenges lay ahead, I want you to know that I love you, you are safe, you are worthy and you will get through it.

If you can accept where you are at and trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be guidance will come your way.

You might learn that every obstacle you encounter is a gift helping you to remember your own strength, capability and worth.

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P.S. I found a book that explained what was happening with my hormonal health. It gave me the knowledge about my physical symptoms that I needed to make positive changes. I learned that our diets and stress level impact the natural balance of hormones in our bodies. Millions of American women struggle with thyroid issues which means that imbalance is quickly becoming the norm.

If you have been diagnosed with Hashimotos or any thyroid dysfunction check out this book, The Adrenal Thyroid Revolution by Aviva Romm.

 

Experiencing 2017

Happy New Year! It is hard to believe that it is now 2017 –  remember when we celebrated the millennium? That was 17 years ago. Crazy, right? When I look at it from that perspective I can only think, “holy shit, life goes by fast.”

Many of you know that my husband and I welcomed our first baby, Aria, in September. 2016 was an incredible year for me as many of my dreams came true. However, I also faced many challenges, fears and tears in this major year of transition. I am guessing you did too?

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I believe there will always be highs and lows in our lives. Experiences that we love and want to remember + ones we hate and try to forget.  Though it hurts to admit it, “highs don’t exist without some lows.”

For the first time in my life (this is vulnerable for me) I am open to the ups + downs that come along with life. That may sound odd – but I realized in my first few months of motherhood how attached I am to labels such a good + bad, right + wrong, happy + sad.

I have spent many years deep in self-inquiry around discovering peace + purpose because I want to make this life my best life and I am willing to dig deep, learn and make changes to support the type of experience I want.

At the same time, I have been holding on and labeling many of the not so nice happenings and trying to avoid them at all costs. Why? Because I don’t like pain – I don’t like it for me or for anyone. I want to wipe it away so that we all feel good.

I know this about myself and I also know that’s not REAL freedom, peace or pleasure. The freedom I desire isn’t conditional. It’s not, “only if things go my way than I’ll be happy.”

This year I want to embrace LIFE EXPERIENCES – that includes all of them which means I choose to release my ATTACHMENTS + LABELING. Let’s stop putting everything in a box. None of us are getting out of here alive anyway and we cannot always control it all.

Before you jump on your New Year’s Resolutions, goals and to do’s for the year,

I’d love for you to consider this for yourself:

  • How do you label your life experiences? Is there a way to accept the good with the so called bad as a TEAM rather than a RIVALRY?
  • Consider one of my favorite quotes by Dr. Dyer, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
  • This year can you choose LIFE and EXPERIENCE over perfection, good and easy? (The difference is leading with your soul rather than with your ego.)

My truth is that, it’s never all good or all bad. It’s a bit of both! In fact, good + bad depend on me. My mood usually dictates and identifies with one or the other. I am not discounting the immense range of emotion and difficult circumstances you have experienced – though, I want you to consider that perhaps your perspectives on right/wrong + your labels keep you stuck.

For me, I am curious to see how embracing EXPERIENCE rather than categorizing my experiences will impact my life. How about you?

Wishing you all the best for a year of peace, pleasure + purpose! Know you are loved and enough just as you are <3

Love + Light,

Orly

What About You?

A photo by dan carlson. unsplash.com/photos/oTQVwECws8oAre you ready to celebrate yourself this holiday? I want to chime in and remind you that the holidays aren’t just about celebrating and giving to others. I know you have a long list of family members and friends you’ve been saving up for and purchasing gifts for but, what about you?

This is a powerful time to also give to yourself! If you didn’t see my post about 10 Gifts To Give Yourself – check it out here.

Life isn’t only about giving and doing. It’s also about receiving and being. The happiest and most successful mentors I have had always reminded me, “it all starts with me”! The amount of time I invest in myself, my dreams, my emotions is PRICELESS. We cannot “do” or even “be” when we are running on empty. Sounds easy enough but it takes COURAGE to put yourself first.

Though, it’s easy to blame others and expect them to do more for us – the truth is, it’s your job to set the stage for receiving. Begin by doing things you want to do and putting yourself first. Learn to communicate your needs + desires to others by being the LEADER. In other words, lead by example.

If you are interested in learning more about becoming the leader in your life in all respects. I invite you to read more about my work and programs. There are still a few spots left in the Soul Shine Sisterhood + an opportunity to work with me one on one next year!

I am offering specials + discounts during the holidays (up until the 24th) that you won’t want to miss! Start next year off on the right foot. Start by putting yourself first and investing in something that is priceless – the quality of your life!

Read more here!

Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones! May you feel loved, grateful and connected to your purpose. Safe travels and celebrations. I have a feeling you are in for an amazing year. All my love!

Happy Holidays

Love + Lights,

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